Recently a good friend presented me with “Broken Open: How Difficult Times Can Help Us Grow” by Elizabeth Lesser for my birthday. I’ve been savoring it, reading one chapter a day, and reflecting on how Lesser’s stories apply to the significant losses and hardships we have both been through in the past year. This particular friend is not in palliative care, but she has tremendous insight and wisdom about her feelings and lives fearlessly.

In “Broken Open”, Elizabeth Lesser reflects on how life’s challenges and struggles can expand our hearts and our souls. When we are able to not take ourselves too seriously, be honest about our shortcomings and human-ness, and let go of our fears, life tends to calm down a bit internally and we can be more open to joy.  The author shares the idea of the “warrior’s heart”, from the teachings of Buddhist monk Chogyam Trungpa. The warrior is fierce and fearless only after they are open to the pain and sadness of others in the world; the key to strength is tenderness. It is no accident that the yoga warrior poses all include a heart open and vulnerable to the world.

We as palliative care specialists see life differently because we are emersed in suffering and loss during each contact with patients and their loved ones. However, many humans are so terrified of death that they are unable to live. This manifests in the patient who wants to “focus on the positive” or “keep up the fight”, which is often rooted in the struggle of accepting what is for our patients with serious illness. They are so terrified of death that they forget to live. That’s one of our main roles and greatest challenges, to help people work through that death, anxiety, and fear, so they can live and feel and love to their fullest potential.  In order to fulfill our purpose, we must embrace the path of the warrior.

Lesser, Elizabeth. 2005. Broken Open: How Difficult Times Can Help Us Grow. Villard, June 14, 368 pages. ISBN 9780375759918

Broken Open — Elizabeth Lesser