This is the second entry narrated by Kristin Moffett and written by Melissa Palmer to share about Kristin’s experiences navigating the healthcare system with a serious illness. One of Kristin’s goals is to share her story to help others heal and find strength, and so that people going through similar experiences do not feel alone. She also feels passionate about using her voice to educate palliative care community specialists in patient-centered care. In this week’s blog, Kristin shares the part of her story that relates to miracles and what that means to her.

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During my hospitalization in August 2022, I had to take blood pressure medication to help keep me alive. When I took those medications, it cut off blood supply to my extremities, and all four limbs were dying. The medical team told me that I had a choice to have amputations of my limbs or I would die/focus on comfort. I had to watch my limbs become black and wither away while I decided what to do. I was hoping for a miracle that God would spark life back to my limbs, and I was waiting for that to happen before making the final decision to amputate.

Doctors worried that my limbs were killing me. They hoped to be able to save one or more limb to prevent all four limbs from being amputated. As I waited for the miracle and heard the doctors’ worries, I noticed that my fingers were black and skinny and losing life. By the time I came to the realization that all four limbs had to be amputated, my limbs were dying and turning on me right before my eyes. I listened to the doctors and came to a place of understanding; at first, I was dissociated from my body but then I began absorbing the reality. I realized that the path ahead was to live as a quadruple amputee.

The amputations happened one at a time; first the right leg was amputated. When I awoke from the first surgery, I realized I was not done yet. There were times when it was hard emotionally but the surgeries happened so close together that I didn’t have much time to think.

There was a point when I thought to myself, “How am I going to survive this life without all 4 limbs? How hard will this be?” Shortly after feeling afraid of what my future might look, I learned about prosthetics, assistive devices, and ways to still be able to do many of the things I used to. I also realized that I could come out on the other side as a better mom, sister and daughter. I also realized what I could offer and bring to the table.

One thing that inspired me was to talk to a woman who also has lost all four limbs; she visited me in the hospital and showed me how she is fairly independent with prosthetics and assistive devices. I realized I am not alone and others have done it before me. I can be of service for others who come after me. I have always been a caretaker and now I can continue to be in this role.

 I was able to process what was happening and God really gave me peace. I always knew this had to happen for whatever reason. After the amputations and being so ill, I realized my miracle was that my brain is still fully here, I am “me”, and I am alive even though I lost all four limbs. I am also grateful to be working with rehab, receiving chemotherapy for my Burkett’s lymphoma, and being able to use my motorized scooter to move around the hospital and see outside.  I am so grateful for all the support and help from the hospital team, therapists, nurses, and social workers.