We have reached the time of year where some believe that the veil between the living and the dead is more permeable. In many cultures, including those who identify as Latinx/Chicano/Hispanic, death is not a black and white ending but a transition to another world or form. On el Dia de los Muertos each November 1, people who honor this tradition go to the gravesite of their families, bring food and flowers, and include their loved ones in the celebration.

The movie “Coco” is one of my son’s childhood favorites and brings to life the tradition of el Dia de lost Muertos. Even though he is now an angsty pre-teen, he secretly enjoys watching this film during late October each year. “Coco” is a story about a young person connecting with his ancestors and realizing the importance of honoring our past and our loved ones who have died.  It also addresses the risk of forgetting where we come from and who we are as a people.

One of my cultural identities is Irish American, and we have similar beliefs about our dead loved ones. They come to us in different ways, with different signs, and we keep them alive in our hearts. I remember my dad talking about “Mully”, the ghost of a person my dad considered a role model and adopted uncle. He recounted times that the family would say “oh, that’s Mully knocking over the water pitcher” when there was no other good explanation for the movement they were witnessing.  

My Uncle Fred died in his 50’s from a stroke, which was devastating to my family. His death was particularly difficult for my Aunt Kathy, who was his childhood sweetheart.  My Aunt Kathy felt comfort when she found things broken, moved or open inexplicably, because she felt that my mischievous uncle was visiting her and sending her messages. To her, these signs pierced the veil and helped her keep waking up and getting out of bed in the morning during the first months after his death. Aunt Kathy and Uncle Fred were so connected that they communicated on a spiritual level.

Since my grandmother died several years ago, I have always had a sense of her presence in many of the things I do and when I am making a challenging, life-altering decision. I believe she showed up in her spiritual form of a cardinal when she died and the night before my grandfather died, and knowing that her love continues gives me a great sense of calm and peace.

Keeping our loved ones alive by remembering, telling stories, and perceiving connections across the veil serves as a balm for the grief of separation from loved ones through death.  Although none of us really know what’s next after this world, for many cultural and spiritual practices,

This Dia de los Muertos, I encourage you to watch (or re-watch) “Coco”, either with your family or on your own. Reflect on the importance of meaning-making and the idea that love and relationships transcend death.

To read more about the movie: Coco (2017) - IMDb